Betrayal
by myamanda
Summary: *Chapter 13 up* AU--The end of Lee and Amanda's relationship may be the key to catching a killer
1. Default Chapter

Betrayal

by myamanda

Feedback is welcome at myamandasmk@yahoo.com

Summary: The end of Lee and Amanda's relationship may be the key to catching a killer.

Timeline: After Nightcrawler but before the wedding.

Chapter 1

Lee balked at the entrance to the bullpen. Hesitating just a second too long, he missed the chance to turn his back on her icy stare. With leaden feet he continued into the room, anger now taking the place of fear. A palpable tension meandered through the small space, pulled taut between the man and woman at its termini. 

Crossing to the file cabinet in the corner, Lee tried to ignore the sideways glances monitoring his trek. Surreptitious stares lobbed back and forth like a silent tennis match. Assignments involving quite a bit of international intrigue were suddenly nowhere near as interesting as the drama unfolding before them. 

Slamming the cabinet door closed, Lee's glare forced unwanted eyes to their desks like an ace serve. Stalking across the room, he stopped at the desk of a young brunette. "Linda, I..."

"Lisa."

"What?"

"My name is Lisa, but that's okay," her eyes shining sweetly. "You can call me anything you want, Scarecrow."

Immediately shifting gears, he decided to take advantage of the situation, if not the girl. "Uh, thanks, Lisa. Listen, I'm looking for the blueprints for the Trans-Con building. They're supposed to be in the file but they're not. God, you have beautiful eyes. Any idea where they might be, hon?"

Already nodding before he finished the question, she gave the appearance of a snake-charmer's prey. "Agent Fielder signed them out. They're probably on his desk. Want me to sneak over and look?" she asked eagerly.

"That's alright," he assured her, wondering what else she'd do for a compliment or two. "I'll just get them from him later."

As he was about to turn away, well-manicured fingers settled on his hand. "Okay, but you just let me know if there is anything else I can do for you." Her tongue snaked out from between dark red lips, as she reiterated her not-so-silent promise. "An-y-thing." 

Straightening, Lee tried to appear unruffled by her attentions, but was so fixated on her fingers scraping lightly down his hands that he was blindsided by Amanda's approach. Her cold voice bit rudely into the fantasy that was running through his head. 

"Mr. Stetson, when you have a free moment, Mr. Melrose would like to see you in his office." She looked down with distaste at the woman who had guilt scrawled across her face as thickly as her eyeliner. "Funny, I just remembered I didn't take out the *trash* this morning. Why don't I go do that?"

A heavy sigh escaped him as he watched her fly from the room, headed toward the office they had once shared upstairs. He'd thought it unfair that the senior agent had been relegated to a tiny desk in the bullpen, but Billy had been insistent. And they certainly couldn't stay in that little room together anymore. The atmosphere was too explosive.

Knocking once, he opened Billy's door. "You wanted to see me?"

Billy met his agent in the doorway. "Lee, I still haven't received your report on the Hackman case." 

"Yeah, I know, Billy, I've just been tied up with other things. You want me to solve cases or you want me to sit at a typewriter all day?"

"I want you to do your job, Stetson. Listen," he ordered, lowering his voice just slightly. "This is the reason the brass recommends against involvement between partners. When things fall apart..."

"NOTHING has fallen apart!" Lee's voice surged across the small bullpen. "WE have not fallen apart." Angrily, he stomped back to his desk, avoiding the slightly sympathetic yet opportunistic stares of the women in the room. 

"You'll get your damn report," he barked, as the door to Billy's office closed quietly. Taking its tone, the entire room fell quiet. The quiet of mourning, the quiet of loss, the quiet of inevitable death. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Lee shakily twisted his key in the lock. Dropping the takeout bag on the coffee table, he grabbed a beer from the fridge. Loosening his tie he flopped down on the couch, flipping on the TV for some noise. Funny, they rarely had the set on at Amanda's house, but then there was enough noise there for ten small rooms like this one. Shaking his head, he dug into the first Chinese food carton he grabbed. He couldn't think about her now. That would allow his mind to go places it just couldn't go at this moment. 

The TV still on, he fell asleep on the couch a few dreary hours later, dreaming of red fingernails and lips, and of not being quite so lonely.

******************************************************************

"Amanda, would you please stop moping around this house? You're making me crazy." Dotty faced her daughter across the kitchen counter. "You act as though Lee died--he's only on assignment. And you said yourself he wasn't sure how long he'd be gone." Amanda looked up to meet her mother's perplexed gaze. "Does he often go on long-term assignments without you? I thought you two worked together on these film projects."

Amanda had to smile at her mother's well-intentioned litany. "We do, Mother, most of the time," she answered quietly. "But this was a solo project for him, and I had ca--, I mean, projects of my own to work on." She rubbed a hand over her face, trying to avoid the impending headache she felt coming on. "I guess I just miss him, that's all. I'm sorry I've been so..."

Her mother came around to hold her daughter in a loose embrace. "Oh, darling, it's alright. I didn't mean to make you defensive. I just can't understand why you don't just call him. Surely he can spare a few minutes.."

"Not really, and I told you this is one of those government projects, very tight security. When you work for the government you have to play by their rules." She was startled sometimes by her ability to lie and tell the truth at the same time, certainly a result of years of practice.

"Besides, he'll be home soon," she tried to reassure her mother with a smile she neither meant nor felt. "Very soon."

Amanda climbed the stairs, falling into bed, just before the tears began to fall. 

"Oh, Lee. I miss you so much."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Come in."

Amanda looked up from her desk, expecting to see Billy Melrose come through the door. She wasn't expecting any other visitors.

"Oh, hello."

"Mrs. King. Am I interrupting anything?"

"Oh, no. Not at all, Agent Barker. I'm just finishing up some paperwork. What brings you up from the dungeons?" she asked brightly.

The tall, lanky man perched on the edge of her desk. She successfully resisted the urge to shove him off. "Anything interesting?" 

Amanda had already shoved the papers she was working on back into their file folder. "Barker, you know I couldn't tell you if it was." She lowered her eyes, then looked back up at him. "Now could I?"

A warm smile slowly crept across his face. "No, no, I guess you couldn't. And that's not why I came all the way up here, to pry into your business." He dropped a computer printout on the desk before her. "I'd really like to get your input on this data that just came across the wire. I know there's something there, I just can't put my finger on it."

Amanda's face lit up. "And you want my opinion? I'm flattered, Agent Barker." 

"I don't know why you seem surprised. Your reputation and instincts are pretty well-known. I mean, at first I thought that was because you were working with Sc--" his voice faltered. "I mean, you were partnered with a...." Blushing, he gave up. "So, think you see anything out of the ordinary in this data?"

Seeking to reassure the flustered man before her, Amanda flipped through the papers he'd handed her. "Agent Barker, you're right, I did initially do much of my work with Agent Stetson. But now, I work on my own, and I assure you I am quite capable of seeing the gap in the timing of these two measurements." Amanda circled some numbers with a red pen. "You're missing some of the data, might want to go back to your source and find out why."

The dark-haired man at her side smiled down at her. "Mrs. King, you are brilliant." He turned to the door, then looked back over his shoulder. "Funny, beauty and brains all in one, and yet you haven't even agreed to go to dinner with me yet."  
  
Amanda smiled coyly, blinking up at the man in the doorway. "Maybe that's because you haven't asked me, Agent Barker."

"How about Saturday? And for goodness' sake, please call me Colin."

"Okay, Colin, it's a date."

Flashing her one more smile before closing the door behind him, Colin Barker mentally began making plans for Saturday. 

Back in the Q-Bureau, Amanda's glance fell upon the empty desk on the other side of the room. It would have been much easier to blame Lee for all of this, but it wouldn't have been right. This had been a mutual decision. 

She hadn't been looking forward to jumping back into the dating scene. Maybe now she wouldn't have to jump very far. Maybe this Colin would be the one, and she'd be able to get on with her life.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Amanda, I need to see you in my office."

At her hesitation, Billy's eyes seemed to bug out of his head. "NOW!" 

Amanda jumped up from her seat at the computer terminal, nervously grabbing at the papers she'd been working on. "Yes, sir, I just..." 

"Mrs. King, if you cannot act like a professional this agency will no longer be in need of your services."

Amanda nodded, steeling herself for the walk across the room. "Sorry, sir," she declared, standing toe-to-toe with her boss. Her stoicism did not go unnoticed. Billy nodded approvingly and stood aside, ushering her in and slamming the door.

Several pairs of curious eyes watched eagerly as the female agent sat stiffly across from her superior's desk. Billy's voice was inaudible but his animated actions left no doubt that he wasn't exactly heaping her with praise. 

Glancing out the window and watching several heads duck back down over their desks, Billy stomped angrily to the window, closing the blinds as he glared at the roomful of employees. 

Once that was done, Billy crossed his arms. "You two are going to cause me to develop laryngitis, and then how am I going to yell at anyone else around here?"

Amanda smiled tightly, always polite.

"How are you holding up?"

Amanda's eyes fell closed. "Not very well." 

"This is so hard," she murmured, turning back to face Billy. "Not that we can't break this case, sir, and I think we're making progress, but," she lowered her head, "it's just, I didn't expect it to be so hard."

The older man nodded wisely. "I thought the strain might be getting to you. If it makes you feel any better you're playing your parts beautifully. Your alleged break-up is the talk of the agency, and Lee is once again topping the steno pool's Ten Most Wanted List." 

Billy perched on the edge of his desk. "I appreciate the hardship you two agreed to put up with."

Amanda shook her head. "It's our job, sir. Besides, it's a lot less hardship than Ellen Baer's family will have to deal with. Or Sara Lansing. They didn't deserve what happened to them. When we catch the man that killed them, maybe their families will have a little peace." she continued, repeating the conversation she and Lee had had when they'd decided to take this case. 

"I know when I was first separated from Joe, I was very vulnerable, and to imagine that someone would have taken advantage of that, pretended to love me and care for me and then....I'm still very committed to this case, sir, if that's what you wanted to know."

"Oh, I already know that, Amanda. I fully appreciate the changes you've made in your lives to make this look real. You've kept zero contact outside work as well?"

"Yes, sir. My family thinks Lee is out of the country on assignment. He had only just started to come around, so it hasn't been that difficult. And I, well, we agreed no phone conversations or meetings. It makes it easier to keep up the appearance that we're not together. We were afraid we'd be seen, or forget and let something slip."

Billy shook his head, amazed, at the lengths they had gone to, together, to give the appearance of being separate. Even when they *weren't* working together, they were.

"I think you deserve a little break." Before she could respond, Billy had crossed the room and yanked open the heavy door. "STETSON!"

Lee's startled face peered up from the desk of yet another blond devotee. Blushing, he straightened his jacket. "Yeah, Billy?"

"My office, now."

The members of the bullpen settled back down to work, with the occasional murmur of speculation about the bloodshed that was probably now occurring in the adjoining office. 

Total silence once again descended as the door opened again a few minutes later, Billy tossing a threatening warning over his shoulder. "You two will either figure out a way to work in the same building, or I will look into reassignment. For BOTH of you." With a satisfied smirk he turned the key in the lock, and walked away.


	5. Chapter 5

I wanted to start out by thanking everyone for all the nice feedback. It means a lot to me, and it's very motivating:) I always wondered what would have happened if 'Burnout' had occurred later in the run of the show, and that's what inspired this. 

I also want to thank Ashley for her fantastic beta-work...she has gone above and beyond the call of duty, without making me want to smack her. Hey--being my beta is a tough job, and not for the weak:) 

That said--on with the show:

Chapter 5

Hearing the click of the lock, Lee turned slowly to his partner, who seemed as shocked as he did. Momentarily speechless, he recovered quickly as he realized the opportunity they'd been given. Billy would do what he could, but they probably only had a few minutes at most.

He stepped toward Amanda, hesitant, questioning. 

She stood, her hand reaching toward him of its own accord.

"C'mere."

Falling into his arms, she couldn't stop the tears, and didn't want to. "Lee," the beauty of the word coming from her lips was almost too much. "Oh, Lee. I love you. I've missed you so much." 

"I love you." He held her tight for a long moment, unable to force another word over the lump in his throat. 

Finally, he had to speak to her, needed to hear her voice. "Are you sorry we got into this?" he asked, knowing he'd quit right now if she wanted.

Her head rolled against his shoulder. "No, no. We discussed this. It's important. I don't want one more woman at this agency to be a target because she divorces her husband. I don't want anyone to stay in a loveless relationship out of fear."

"I know, " he murmured, holding her even more tightly against him. "You've been so amazing during all of this."

She allowed a smile to emerge, her eyes full of love and laughter. "You're doing a pretty good job yourself. You've got Lisa eating out of your hand."

He frowned. "I thought her name was Lynda."

She laughed. "I guess you can't help being irresistible, huh?"

He smirked. "Might want to do a security check on her. I think she'd hand us all to the Russians for a dozen roses." He ran his fingers through her hair, shaking his head. "All I think about is you. When she runs her nails over my hand, I think of your fingers running down my back when we make love." He kissed her so hard it was almost painful. "It's a good thing I moved out of the Q- bureau. I have to stay away from you, or I'd just throw you down in the middle of the floor." 

She laughed, her fingers stroking up and down his chest. "I know. I feel the same way."

It had been too long since they'd touched, and their fingers eagerly explored every inch of forbidden territory. 

"Manda, we have to stop," he murmured, as his glassy eyes met hers, "or I won't be able to."

She nodded reluctantly. "You're right." 

He held her at arms' length, knowing this image would be the last thing in his mind when he fell asleep later. 

Finally, he pulled her to stand beside him, where she belonged. 

His hand wrapped tenderly around the back of her neck, and she wilted against him as he kissed her one last, long time.

"Ready?" she asked when she'd caught her breath.

"As I'll ever be."

Fixing his face into a surly grimace, he watched her features become sad, drawn, tired. 

  
"Amanda, what do you think about? I mean, to look convincing?"

She smiled weakly at him.

"I just pretend this is all real."

He returned her sad smile.

"Really? Me, too."

With that he grabbed the doorknob, slamming it back into the wall.

"...do on my own damn time is no longer any of your business!" he screamed on his way out the door.

"Stay away from me," she quietly threatened from the doorway. "I can't believe I ever loved you."

He turned on his heel. "I never, ever loved you."

Even while he was proud of their stellar performance, it gave him no satisfaction to know that the tear rolling down her cheek was real.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Francine allowed herself one more grin just before knocking on the Q-Bureau door. She was an agent, after all, capable of going maintaining a cover under the most harrowing circumstances. Surely she could give a convincing "best friend" impersonation. Not like Amanda was smart enough to catch on anyway....

"It's open."

Drawing her face into a reasonable facsimile of sympathy, Francine took a deep breath and entered.

"A-manda," she drawled.

"Oh, hello Francine. Something I can do for you?"

"Well, no Amanda, but if there is anything at all Francine can do for you, you just let me know, okay?" Amanda's eyes widened as a thin arm wrapped around her shoulders. 

"I'm fine, really, Francine, but thank you anyway."

Francine walked around the desk to face Amanda. "No, you're not fine and I am not the only one who can see that." She lowered her face closer to Amanda's, trying to draw her attention away from her paperwork.

"Amanda, listen to me." 

Surrendering with a sigh, Amanda focused her attention on Francine's blue eyes. 

"I know how you feel. I tried to warn you, I did. But would you listen? Oh, no. And now look at what he's done to you. You really should have expected this Amanda, everyone else did."

Amanda felt tears well up, not of sadness, but anger. She hated that everyone *had* expected this very thing from Scarecrow; it was one of the reasons they'd known this cover would be so effective. But those people didn't know how much he had changed. Didn't know what he was really like, what _they_ were like when they were alone. She desperately wanted to defend the man she loved, but knew she couldn't. 

But for Francine, they were tears of the disgraced, humiliated housewife, and she went with that.

"Tell me Amanda. Tell Auntie Francine what he did to you."

_Auntie Francine? _Wait 'til Lee hears *this* one! Amanda slowly began to mete out their cover story, not wanting it to sound too rehearsed.

"Oh, Francine. It's complicated. It's not just one thing, it's....it was a lot of things. Lipstick on his clothes, he would smell of perfume that wasn't mine..." The look of both predation and sympathy was one only Francine could pull off. "And, well, I shouldn't be telling you this...", her eyes widened as Amanda spoke, "but I think he may even have been cheating on me in *this* office."

Suitably aghast, Francine made quick mental notes. This new info would be worth its weight in gold at the water cooler. "Oh, poor dear. You see, I told you not to get involved with him. He's not really capable of loving anyone, not in that suburban, domestic way you expected."

Amanda burned with desire to rub this all in Francine's smug little face, but knew it would have to wait. She remembered the fallout from the last time Francine was "not informed".

"Well, Francine, this little talk has been so therapeutic." She formed a smile as false as a Mr. Potato-head accessory. "I trust we can talk again sometime?"

"You know you can depend on me, Amanda honey," Francine tossed over her shoulder as the door closed behind her.

Amanda allowed her head to flop down on the desk, a tiny smirking laugh escaping through her fake tears. She would truly enjoy filling Francine in on this when it was over. 

The phone startled her from that delicious fantasy. "Q-Bureau".

"Amanda? It's Colin."

"Oh, hi! I was just thinking about our weekend," Amanda chirped, rolling her eyes at her own perkiness.

"Great, great. How about I pick you up at 7:00 at your place?" 

"Actually, why don't I meet you at the restaurant. I'd really prefer to take my own car." _And keep you far away from my mother_

"Oh, sure, I understand. So, you like Italian? Say, Luciano's, on Columbia Pike?"

"Sounds good! I'll see you then!"

"I can't wait, Amanda. See you then."

Amanda replaced the receiver and made a note on her desk calendar. 

7pm

Luciano's

K Street

Colin

It had been two weeks since their initial very public blow-up in the bullpen. She had, in a rising crescendo of anger and disbelief, accused him of sleeping with any number of women, while Lee had done his best 'cheesy slimeball' imitation, trying to placate her without ever denying any of it. It had served the dual purpose of winning Amanda sympathy and announcing their 'break-up' to a large number of people in a short amount of time. She had then only had to sit back and wait for the appropriate "mourning period" before men had begun to approach her about dating again. 

They could only hope that one of her suitors would be the man who had killed the two recently separated or divorced agents. It had been Amanda who had made the connection between the two. They had received vague descriptions of the man from the victims' friends, but no name. It seemed they were embarrassed to be dating so soon, unsure about whether they were doing the right thing. 

This secrecy had played right into the killer's hands, and now they had absolutely no idea who they were after.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Amanda checked her lipstick once again in the rearview mirror, before stepping out of the Jeep. In the dim candlelight of the restaurant, she could barely see the maitre'd leading her to the table. 

"Amanda, you look stunning." Colin pushed her chair in, every bit the gentleman.  


"Thank you, Colin, you look very nice. I love that tie."

Drawing a stray hair behind her ear, Amanda blushed. She hadn't dated in so long, not like this. By the time she and Lee had 'dated', they'd already known each other so well...this was different. This was first date 'so where are you  
from?' chatter that she wasn't sure she remembered how  
to do. She remembered one thing, though. Flattery was  
everything where men were concerned.  
  
"You have excellent taste, Colin, this is a fantastic  
place," she fawned.  
  
"Well, I must have excellent taste if I'm here with  
you." 

Amanda could have sworn the candlelight actually glinted off his fangs, er, teeth.  
  
"Oh, Colin! Stop!" She laughed, hoping he wouldn't notice how forced it was.   
  
Lee, however, knew exactly how fake that laugh was.   
  
And when it drifted across the restaurant to his booth  
in the back, it made him wince. Lee knew this was no  
more pleasant for Amanda than it was for him. He  
reluctantly replaced the earpiece in his ear. Not that he had to listen, other people were paid to do that. Recordings were being made, preserved for the  
integrity of the case.   
  
But something made him want to listen. Need to listen.

  
"...decide to work for the Agency?"  
  
"They recruited me, straight out of college. Harvard.  
Had lots of offers, too, but I really liked the idea  
of being able to serve my country."  
  
Amanda imagined Lee rolling his eyes at that one. She  
knew he was there. Even if it hadn't been part of the  
plan to have him discreetly tailing her dates, she  
would have known. She could always feel his presence in a  
room.   
  
_"We can't have a traditional tail. These guys are  
Agency, Amanda. They'd spot that in a second."  
  
"You can be there. Watching. Listening. I'll wear a  
wire. If the guy sees you, I'll just accuse you of  
stalking me, throw a drink in your face."  
  
"I am liking this plan less and less," he had smirked.   
  
"Well, then, you shouldn't have cheated on me."  
  
"I didn't--" he'd blurted out, before realizing she was  
egging him on. "I mean, you know, babe, there's just  
too much of me for one woman to handle, so I have to  
spread it around." His waggling eyebrows had made her  
laugh more than his swingin' single imitation.  
  
"Oh, I think I can handle it all, Mr. Stetson."  
  
"Oh, yeah?" he had asked, delighted to have her try to  
prove it.  
  
_Lost in reverie, he was awakened by the female voice  
in his ear. "Your place?" Surprised at how much time had passed, Lee waited to hear Amanda's next move.  
_  
_Amanda cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, I just don't  
think I'm ready for that yet."  
  
As nice as it would be to get this whole thing over  
with, they didn't have enough evidence, didn't even  
know if this was the right guy._  
  
"How far are you willing to go?"  
  
Amanda had lowered her eyes. "What do you mean?"  
  
"You know what I mean."  
  
"I'll have to get into the right man's apartment to  
collect evidence."  
  
Lee had been silent.  
  
She had pulled his chin up, forcing him to meet her  
gaze.  
  
"Not that far."  
  
She remembered a similar conversation before  
Stemwinder.  
  
"It's an agent's option to spend the night. I don't  
want to."  
  
He'd smiled, remembering too.  
_  
_"You do what you have to do, and I'll support you all  
the way."_  
  
"Really, Colin, I had a wonderful time, but I have to  
get home."  
  
"Sure, okay. I just thought, well, if you need a  
shoulder to cry on or need some, you know, physical  
comfort, don't hesitate to give me a call."  
  
"Oh, please," Lee muttered under his breath.   
  
"That's very sweet of you, Colin."  
  
Amanda managed to extricate herself from the  
restaurant with a minimum of good night kisses and  
gropes.   
  
Arriving at her darkened home, she headed straight for  
the shower. Carefully depositing the wire in her  
briefcase, she shed her clothes and stepped into the  
steaming hot water.   
  
Forty-five minutes later she felt as though she'd rid  
herself of the cigarette smoke and slime that had  
coated her throughout the evening.   
  
Shutting off the water, she jumped at the sound of a  
deep whisper from the bedroom. "Amanda?" 


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

"Lee!" Grabbing the robe from the door, she flew into the dark bedroom. "What if someone saw you? What were you thinking?"

Lee had already begun nibbling on her damp neck. "I was thinking..." his hands traveled over her hips, "that you might need a little 'physical comfort'."

Amanda fell against his body, weak protests falling silent as she inhaled every last bit of his scent.

When Lee hit a ticklish spot, a deep, smoky laugh came out of her body. 

"Shh! You'll wake your mother!" he smiled at her.

She took his hand, pulling him to sit on the edge of the bed.

"You took a chance coming here." 

Lee wouldn't meet her gaze. 

"I know, but I missed you." 

Amanda leaned back, forcing him to look her in the eye. She saw the pain and hurt in his face, the feelings he was trying his best to hide. "Talk to me."

He swallowed, watching her eyes. "Was it this bad when I was with Sonja?" he asked her, genuinely concerned.

She sat stiffly on the edge of the bed, still clinging to his hand and shrugged. "Yes and no. I didn't like doing it, but I didn't know you loved me then, either." At his surprised look, she quickly amended, "I mean, I *knew*, but, well...we... hadn't made any promises to each other."

"And that made it easier?" he whispered.

Amanda shook her head, tears glistening in the glow of the moonlight. "No, not one bit." She shut her eyes tightly. "It made me sick to my stomach."

Lee moved closer to her, the dip in the mattress pulling her toward him. "So, you do know how I feel..."

She nodded against his neck. "I do, but I don't see any other way to solve this."

He smirked. "So, great, I'll just keep setting up the woman I love on dates, and following them around." He sat up just a little. "Do you think it's Colin?"

"No, but then if it was that easy to figure out who the bad guys were, we wouldn't have jobs, would we?" There was little humor to be found in their situation, and she could only smile weakly.

Lee sighed, breathing in the scent of her hair. "Do you know when I miss you the most?"

Her eyes opened wide, asking.

"Just before bed. I miss talking to you on the phone. Hearing about your day. Telling you good-night."

She smiled, and he was lost.

"Know when I miss you?" She traced a finger down his jaw line.

He played with her hair. "Tell me."

"Every minute you're not with me." 

Cocooned together against the world, they sat, entwined for a silent moment.

"I don't want to end up like this."

  
"What?" he asked, genuinely confused.

She couldn't find the strength to meet his eyes. There was the chance that he didn't see this as the prologue to something more. That he would change his mind about marriage, cold feet, all that. She didn't want to be made a fool, to mistake his lust for love. 

"I don't want to end up hating you, to mean all those hateful things people say." The words spilled from the weakest part of her heart. "And I'm afraid that because my last marriage didn't work, maybe I gave up too quickly and maybe I don't know how to make this work either and I'll lose you."  


"We won't let that happen." His gaze slammed into hers, driven by brutal honesty. "Why do you think I wanted to know what happened when you and Joe separated?" He kissed her gently. "I didn't want to make the same mistakes." He kissed her again, harder. "I didn't want to lose you." He held her, so close she could feel his heart beat in time with hers. "I *don't* want to lose you."

She sagged against him, shifting slightly to tighten her arms around him. "I'm a package deal, you know."

He smiled through tears he no longer felt the need to control. "I know." Lee made a mental note to ask the accounting department to figure in two dependents to his pension projection, once this operation was complete.

Lee had once again begun to nibble on his fiancee's neck when he was startled by a perfunctory knock on the bedroom door. The sweetness of their solitude was cut short by Amanda's loving order to "Hit the dirt, pal." Lee dove for the side of the bed, quickly skittering underneath the white eyelet dust ruffle.

"Amanda, darling," her mother began before she was even through the door. "Could you help me with this bottle? These child-proof caps are just impossible."

Amanda smiled, willing her racing heart to slow. "Of course, Mother." 

"Were you on the phone before, dear? Not that it's any of my business of course, it's just awfully late for someone to be bothering you. Was it Lee?"

"On the phone? Um, yes, actually, it was. He said to say hello."

Dotty beamed. "Oh, he is so thoughtful. Wonderful man." 

Amanda placed the bottle and the aspirin in her mother's hand, standing to herd her towards the door. 

"You know, dear, playing hard to get is all good and well, but after a while a man might start looking for...well...someone who is a little easier to catch, if you know what I mean." Lee listened as his brilliant partner became flustered by a senior citizen. Russians she could handle, but her mother...

"Mother!" Amanda held the door open, ushering Dotty into the hallway. "I am not playing tag, I'm dating someone, and I can handle it, thank you very much."

As Amanda closed and locked the door, a parting volley slid under the door. "Maybe a little game-playing would spice things up, dear."

Amanda flopped across the bed. 

"Come on out."

It amused her to see her secret agent man gracefully try to extricate himself from beneath a queen-size bed. Remaining prone on the floor, he smiled up at her. 

She had to stifle her laughter in a pillow as he leered up at her. "Wanna play a game, little girl?" 


	9. Chapter 9

I just wanted to take a second to thank everyone for all the wonderful feedback, and for sticking with it this far. Now, everyone please go harass Whizgidget to finish The Price We Pay, or I'll stop writing, I swear!!

CHAPTER 9

Billy's office

The next morning

Billy seemed nervous, and Lee was having a hard time reading him. 

"Lee, Francine tells me that some of the men are wondering why you haven't been seen with hot and cold running women yet. They're thinking maybe you're not really over Amanda yet." 

"Maybe I'm not as shallow as they are."

Billy thought that not all that long ago, the term 'shallow' would have conjured Lee in a second. 

"Regardless, that's not the image we're trying to project." Billy held the edge of his desk, seemingly bracing himself for attack. "I think it's time you went... on a date."

Lee's chair lay on the ground like a helpless turtle as it's occupant jumped skyward. "A WHAT?" 

"Now, Lee..."

"I mean, I just don't see why that's necessary. What difference does it make what people think of me? It's her appearance that's most important..."  


"And you looking like a cad will only make her look that much more wounded, more deserving of a new relationship."

"I've, um, got a few names, when you're ready you can go through them, maybe with Amanda, and pick one..."

A short, harsh laugh answered his offer. "Oh yeah, that'll be fun for her."

"It's an assignment, Stetson. You can't take it too personally."

Lee righted the chair, looking over the list with a bemused smirk. All of the women were regular staff, accounting or steno. They seemed to fit a profile, and he had to admit that a few years ago this assignment would have been cake.

Janice Cosner. Blond, he thought. Melanie Tyner. Redhead? He couldn't quite picture her either. Susanna Lewis. Probably went by Susie, he smirked. It didn't really matter which one he picked, they were just window dressing.

Window dressing. He'd referred to Amanda that way not all that long ago. God, he had been a colossal jerk. He was more than lucky that she had put up with him as long as she had. The idea that she was nothing more than an ornament, an accessory...

Shaking his head, he tried to picture the way she would look on their wedding day. Would she look much different? Would she wear a poofy white dress? They really hadn't discussed details yet, so his imagination was free to explore. 

__

"Details, Scarecrow? You're assuming quite a bit there. What makes you think she'd even want to marry your sorry..."

Reluctantly dragging himself back to the list, he reminded himself that Amanda was doing most of the work in this case, and that if he had to go on a date or two it was the very least he could do to support her.

The very least. And that was just how he would explain it to her, too.

Over the phone.

From Guam.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Amanda stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. A date. Lee had to go on a date. Okay. She was fine with that. Wasn't she? 

She absently reached for a paper towel and dried her hands. What was she worried about, then? That he would find someone else? Not likely. Even though no one else seemed to believe it, Amanda had the utmost faith in his love for her. But still...what if he talked himself into one last justifiable 'fling'? Would he remember how much fun the single life had been and...

She'd had the same doubts during the Stemwinder fiasco. Not that he would fall in love with Sonja, but that the lure of bachelorhood would prove too tempting. 

Then they had run away, and he'd told her he loved her and everything had happened so fast and she'd wondered if he'd meant any of it....

__

************Both exhausted, they had stood in the doorway of the bedroom in their tiny hideout. Lee uncomfortably took in the one queen-sized bed that stood alone in the depressing little room.

"Amanda, I ..." He'd turned to head for the sofa.

Her hand reached for his, finding it without looking. "No."

His voice was nearly inaudible, a rush of breath. "No, what?"

She turned, tightening her hold on his hand. "Tactically, I think it's a bad idea for us to be separated. Makes us too vulnerable."

He nodded, but questions shadowed his features.

Reaching up, she erased his doubt with a touch of her hand.  


__

"I just want...we're all we have right now."

His answer was automatic, immediate.

"You're all I need."

She smiled at him. "Then stay with me."

He smiled back. The smile she'd never seen him use on any of the blonde airheads he used to date. "Okay."

He crawled beneath the comforter, practically clinging to his side of the mattress. 

Amanda watched his discomfort, trying to think of a way to relax him.

"We've done this before, you know."

"What?" He answered quickly, eyes wide.

She laughed openly now. "A long time ago. I helped you on a case and we were in a hotel room..."

He smiled, visibly relieved. "Yeah, and we jumped in the bed together so the manager would think we were...you know."

"Yeah."

"And you were just so...horrified, at the thought...."

She blushed, lowering her eyes. "Well." She looked around the room. "You know Scarecrow, our surroundings haven't improved all that much."

He laughed. "We've changed, though." He reached to pull her closer.

She willingly snuggled into his body. "Yes, we have."

They were silent, only the occasional headlight intruding on the darkness they shared.

"Lee?" Her hand rubbed smoothly up and down his chest. 

  
"Hmm?"

"Why did you come to the house? I mean, really?"

"What do you mean, 'really'?"

"I just mean, I would understand if you had said something in the heat of the moment and you didn't mean, I mean, I wouldn't hold you to anything that was said in extreme circumstances."

Lee flicked on the lamp at his bedside.

"Amanda King, you listen to me."

She blinked from the sudden intensity of the light, and his voice.

"I don't want you to think that I came to you out of desperation, or some misguided attempt to test your loyalty. I was just...afraid...I guess, of never seeing your face again. I wanted to look at you one more time, hear your voice, take that image with me, so I could pull it out when I was stuck in places like this." He held her in his arms, squeezing gently, punctuating his sincerity. "When you said you'd come with me," he shook his head, "God, I knew I didn't deserve you."

Amanda ignored the tears on her cheek. She wanted to remember every word. 

"But I want to. And I'll do anything to try and make up for everything you've given me, everything you've done. But I need you to help me do that." She was smiling now. "I love you , Amanda King, and I *want* you to hold me to it. Forever. Okay?"

She leaned in to kiss him. "Okay," she said quietly. 

She held his hand, nothing more, and the last thing he saw before tumbling into dreamless sleep was her smile.

***************SMK****************SMK************************** 

Il Porto

Alexandria, Virginia

7:30pm

"I'm sorry Susie, what was that?"

"I said, I'm thinking about cutting my hair just like Madonna. Don't you think that would be pretty?"

"Oh, um, yeah, sure."

"So you don't think my hair's pretty now?"

"What? No! I mean, yes, I mean, well, you brought it up!"

Lee was drowning, barely able to keep his head above water in a deadly sea of confusion. He used to be able to do this. He did. He could schmooze, small-talk, and flatter until women were practically begging him for a one-night stand. He used to be a barracuda.

Now he felt more like a guppie.

"I just meant," he tried again, "that you would look beautiful any way you wear your hair. There is a radiance about you that would shine through no matter what." 

She eyed him suspiciously. "Did someone tell you I went to a tanning bed?"

"What? No! I..."

"Because if that Amy Jackson ran her big mouth I'll tell everyone about her little "surgery". Vitamins, my foot."

"Excuse me, I have to....just, excuse me."

  
Practically bolting for the safety of the men's room, Lee's mind whirled. Why had he done this, again? Not this particular date, but all the ones that had preceded it. All those women, meaningless conquests, why?

He couldn't remember for the life of him.

And if he had some type of Amanda-induced amnesia, it was just fine with him. 

Daring to exit the men's room, he did still try to make an effort to channel the "old Lee". The one who regularly said "Hey, baby" and dated women who found the term flattering.

Let's see...egotistical smirk...check....overspending...check...need to touch her more, be a little more hands-on, Amanda likes that....

Returning to his date for the evening, Lee began to wind his arm around her neck, his voice a wet whisper in her ear. "You know, Susie, I bet you and I could..."

"LEE!"

His eyes slammed shut. Please please please let this be a bad dream

Strong, thin fingers grasped him by the shoulder. "Lee? Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" The voice was cold, hard. He'd never heard that tone from her, hoped he never would again.

He turned on every ounce of charm he could gather. 

"Dottie. It's a pleasure to see you." 


	11. Chapter 11

Before I start, I want to thank you all again for the wonderful feedback. It makes me write more....really!!

And good job on the stalking, team.

CH 11

"Dottie", his voice cracked nearly in two. "It's a pleasure to see you." He'd been less nervous in Soviet interrogation rooms. He eyed the bottle of champagne, knowing even that wouldn't cure his dry mouth. "Well," he stood, using his chair for balance. "This is Susan...from work. She's a friend, from work." Lee didn't think he'd covered for not knowing her last name, but that was the least of his worries. "Susan, this is Dorothy West, and....I'm sorry..." 

Dottie turned to the man at her side. "Curtis Allen. He's my flight instructor."

"Pleasure to meet you." Lee shook hands, wondered if he should ask the man for a blindfold and cigarette. After all, he was on his way to a character assassination.

Amanda's mother took Lee firmly by the elbow. "Could I talk to you for just a second? Excuse us?" And with that Dottie left a confused Susie alone with her flight instructor. Lee had the fleeting thought that maybe *he'd* be able to make some conversational headway. 

Yeah, probably not. 

Lee allowed himself to be propelled into the small hallway near the restrooms. Once there, he steeled himself to face the wrath of a woman scorned. 

Turned out that old saying was wrong. Hell had no fury like a *mother* scorned.

She lit into him immediately. "Lee Stetson, I don't care what kind of open 80's relationship you two have," she paused, obviously gathering steam, "but I will *NOT* watch you sitting there with that...that...floozy, while my daughter sits at home, crying every night."

The thought of Amanda crying twisted Lee's heart. "Dottie, I never meant to...look, this woman is a client, and it's very important for business that I make her feel..."

Dottie was having none of it. "Feel what? Like a..." A whole new glint came into her eyes. "And aren't you supposed to be out of town? Who's lying to me, you or my daughter?"

"I'm not lying, I...umm, Amanda is just, I mean, I..."

Out of nowhere, a welcome voice chimed over his shoulder. "Lee, what are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be with our client?"

Speechless, Lee couldn't begin to express his relief at seeing Amanda. His mouth seemed to be slightly unhinged, as he couldn't quite close it.

"Mother, what a pleasant surprise!" Amanda embraced her startled mother. "Were you welcoming Lee back to town?"

Still stunned, Lee could only observe as this woman he'd once dismissed as "just a housewife" totally extricated him from the situation.

"I'm sorry, Mother, but we really need to get back to our client. Business first. I'm sure you need to get back to Curt as well. Were you two just leaving?" Amanda gently pushed Lee's chin upward, effectively closing his mouth.

"Well, yes, we were, I, I'm sorry, Lee, I'll be seeing you?"

Lee smiled warmly at the retreating figure. "Of course, Dottie. Very soon."

Lee fell against the rich velvet wall in relief. Even with his eyes closed he could still sense her there, feel her warmth.

"Hey. You okay?"

He nodded, opening his eyes onto her bright, if slightly penitent, smile. It was then that he noticed she was wearing a beautiful black and silver gown. 

Confusion was becoming the theme for the night. "Amanda, what are you doing here?"

A slight blush rose to her cheeks and she sucked on her lower lip. "Eating?"

He shook his head slowly, his smile spreading like a bird opening its wings. "Nope. Try again."

Concentrating on her gently swinging foot, she looked like she was explaining herself to the principal. "Okay. I was following you." Her head snapped up to put in a preemptive strike. "And it's a good thing I was, too, or my mother would have made *such* a scene."

"Amanda..."

"And I know you're going to say I shouldn't have come here and that I don't need to be following you and..."

"Amanda!" Lee bent down to catch her gaze, still smiling. He shook his head again, lowering his voice. "I'm glad you were here. And you *did* save me. Thanks."

"You're welcome. Shouldn't you get back to your date?"

"Shouldn't you get back to your spying?"

"I've never really liked that word." With a smile, she turned and walked away.

With a renewed sense of strength, Lee headed back to his table. He could make it through one lousy date. He could make it through anything.

He had Amanda.


	12. Chapter 12

First of all I'd really like to apologize for this taking so long. I do have a bit of a reason, but I know it's frustrating to be kept waiting.

I got a job in Tokyo (I live near DC now) so I've been faced with packing up my life and moving it 6, 000 miles away. So things have been a little hectic!

I want to apologize to my beta, Ashley for posting without sending it through her, but at the end of the week my computer goes into storage, so time is of the essence. I'll still have internet access at work--I'm pretty useless there anyway!

So--to wrap this up in the next day or so, here goes!:

Chapter 12

Amanda wandered out to the patio, still in her black and silver beaded gown. The warmth of Lee's touch still radiated from her arm, and she imagined she could still feel his hands on her.

"Oh, Lee," she told no one but the stars in the sky. "You'd better be in this for the long haul. I can't just let go now."

She had watched him stealthily across the restaurant as he'd done his best to flirt with Susie. 

He had changed. People had told her that, but it had only now become evident to her. She had changed too, she knew. Once they had each had firm lines defining them: spy, bachelor, mother, housewife. Over time those lines had become fuzzy and had bled over into each other, insubstantial as watercolor. 

As they had drawn closer, she'd wondered if Lee would be the 'father' type to Philip and Jamie. He'd always seemed interested in them, and lately in their relationship with Joe. 

Glancing over at the basketball hoop she could almost picture Lee there, shooting hoops with Philip. Joe had never...

"Amanda?" Lee's voice hissed through the air, and she spun around.

"Hey, big guy. You usually come from that way," she indicated with a thumb over her shoulder.

Lee sat beside her on the small iron bench near the gazebo. "Just playing it safe. I really don't think anyone is watching us at home, I'm convinced this is solely within the Agency. But, can't be too careful, right Mrs. King?"

She leaned into him, her hand creeping beneath his jacket to rub the small of his back. As her lips migrated to his cheek, she stopped short.

"Hmm."

"What, you okay?" he asked.

A mischievous smile crept onto her face. "Oh, yeah, I'm great. You, however..."

"What?" he asked, a worried look meeting her amused one.

"Oh, nothing. But you might want to tell your little girlfriend not to get her hot pink lipstick on your collar."

His hand flew up to cover the offending blemish. "She did what? Oh, Amanda, I'm sorry. I tried to...but she kept trying to..."

One finger on his lips was enough. "Shhh. I know." Feeling strangely territorial, she not only began kissing him but rubbing her hands up and down his chest, as though she could erase any trace of the other woman. 

"God, you smell so good," he moaned, before jerking away from her so suddenly she nearly fell off the bench. "Look!"

"What?" 

"Shooting star, " he mumbled, somewhat embarrassed. "Sorry, one of the last things I remember my mother saying was that if I saw a shooting star I should make a wish." His head fell, and he stared intently at his lap. "I used to wish she would come back." He sat up, running a hand down her back. 

"So, how's your mother?"

Amanda fought to still her racing heart, startled by the sudden change. She placed a hand over both of his, gently working it between them. "Mother? She's fine. She's feeling very guilty about the way she treated you, but I told her you understood."

He nodded. "Good. I wouldn't want her to be angry with me."

Amanda smiled. "I don't think you have to worry about that, she loves you."

Lee turned his face away. "Yeah?" he asked in a small voice.

Amanda pulled his face back to her. "Yeah." She loved the way the words still seemed to surprise him. "And so do I."

He kissed her, wanting to hold on to her all night. If, in his wildest dreams, Amanda actually did agree to marry him, maybe his more recent wishes would come true after all.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Forgetting her facade of depression, Amanda was practically skipping through the hallways of IFF. She was taking the afternoon off to help chaperone Jamie's school field trip, and found she was looking forward to it. She'd been such a presence in her sons' lives before beginning her work at the Agency. Lately, she'd felt like the neglectful mothers she frowned upon. One last task and she was free to enjoy the National Cathedral with her youngest child. 

Amanda dropped off her expense reports with Janet, a mousy woman who kept her hair in a tight bun. Amanda thought she might be pretty if she tried a little, but she supposed everyone had their reasons. Janet took the receipts without looking up, but her face rose when she saw the name on the sheet before her. 

"Amanda, hi!" Amanda King was the only employee who treated her like a person, who spoke to her and knew her name and asked about her ailing father, whose picture she kept on her desk. It was a picture of the two of them when she was 9, back when he was a healthy robust man who always swung her high in the air and called her Sugar.

The picture could almost make her forget the frail man who now lay in a nursing home, dying of cancer. She had taken care of him until his doctor had convinced her it wasn't feasible any longer. It had nearly killed her, the feeling that she'd disappointed him. 

"I heard you and Scarecrow called it quits," she nearly whispered. "I'm sorry".

"Thank you, Janet."

"You know, I would love to have you over for dinner sometime. We could drink some wine, talk. You could come and see my garden. I've got some beautiful roses this year."

"Really? I don't know." Amanda didn't really have any female friends at the Agency. She was always so busy with Lee. In the beginning, most of the women were rude to her, and later some were downright mean. Francine's behavior was by no means unique.

Janet, though, had always been sweet to her. Amanda hesitated, but was drawn in by the hopeful anticipation on Janet's face. She didn't see her with the other women in the office, and knew that taking care of her elderly father left her little time for a social life. 

"Sure. I'd like that. When?"

"Well, tonight I have to pick up my car from the shop. How about tomorrow?" 

Amanda flipped open the date book she kept in her purse. "Deal. What's the address?"

"1919 38th Street, in Arlington."

"6 too early?" 

"No. I'll see you then."

Amanda smiled, heading for her car. She'd stop and grab a nice bottle of merlot after the field trip. After all, you could never have too many friends.

***************************************

He couldn't believe he hadn't always seen how beautiful she was. Hadn't always wanted to touch that face, taste those lips, feel those fingers on his skin, hear her voice say his name....

"Lee?"

"Mmm?"

"Lee!" A folder slapped onto his desk, rudely dragging him from his latest fantasy. 

"What are you doing in here? I thought it was off-limits."

"I had some work to do in here. Besides, *she's* not here."

Shrugging, Francine crossed her legs as she sat on the desk. "Ooh, someone had a hot date last night, I hear." Francine practically purred. 

"What are you talking about Desmond?"

"Oh, come on. It's all over the office that you couldn't keep your hands to yourself last night, you devil!" She tapped his chest with a perfect nail for emphasis.

Lee stared, his heart in his throat. Who could have seen him at Amanda's? Had he made a mistake, destroyed their case by going over there?

"Susie said you were a wild man last night. That you could barely make it to her house before you tore her clothes off." Francine's laugh was deep and full, echoing off the walls of the Q-Bureau. "I guess someone was a little frustrated! What's the matter, Amanda all talk and no..."

Francine nearly fell off the desk as Lee flew out of his chair. "Don't you EVER...ever...." His temper subsided at the look of genuine fear on his friend's face. "I mean, I..." Lee sat down again, remembering he wasn't supposed to defend Amanda. Of course he'd had no idea that Susie would lie about the peck on the cheek he'd been loathe to give her. 

"Look, just because I couldn't keep my hands off a beautiful woman doesn't mean you need to talk about Amanda that way," Lee smirked. "She just couldn't give me what other women could, it was nothing personal."

Francine, now recovered, made a move for the door. "It never is with you, Scarecrow. It never is."

Lee rested his head in the cradle of his large hands for only a moment before it occurred to him.

If it was "all over the agency".....had Amanda heard too?


End file.
